My Blog Bubble

As a teenager we lived next door to a lady with depression.   She and her husband were lovely people, they would always stop and chat, but sometimes she would retreat and we wouldn't see her for months. Instead we would only see Ernie on his daily walk. Then suddenly she would be back beside him with long hair (Gladys always had short hair). I didn't really take much notice but can remember my mum commenting about Gladys and her long hair meaning she had been depressed.   Now, looking back, I can see how they were connected. How Glady wouldn't want to leave the house and thus her hair would grow and she would look unkempt when she did reappear. I get it now. Growing up depression wasn't really something I knew much about. I know members of my family have suffered with it but it just kind of passed me by. After all we all have sad days or  short periods. Well that's what I thought. Just get on with it. Keep smiling.   However my short periods would get longer...

There is a constant tug of war in my head. Between the positive and the negative. The devil and the Angel on my shoulder. Constantly buzzing in my ear. My depression causes the negative devil to speak loudest and causes my anxiety to worsen. On good days or when I am busy or surrounded by people I can't hear that dastardly little blighter. And on others days my positive white angel will pipe up and tell him to pipe down. She will counteract what he has to say.  There is constant chatter; I am never alone. They say silence is deafening and for someone with mental illness that is so true.  Music can help drown out the voices. Mediation can but that is harder. Keeping your mind busy. Maybe through mindfulness or watching a film. They prevent me from hearing the voices.  Sometimes I wish they would leave me alone and let me enjoy some peace and quiet