My Blog Bubble

As you know; Mum died, four weeks ago.  I haven't really felt like writing - even though I have had ideas of what I could write about. In truth I have felt pretty numb.  I have been confused by my lack of feelings towards the death of the greatest influencer in my life. In fact I have been worried that I am devoid of emotion. Yes I have sobbed and been upset but not felt the devastation that seems to warrant the condolences that people pass my way. Then I realise that maybe I am at the bottom of a well, sat on the dark damp stones and unable to see anything above me - not even a glimmer of light.  Maybe I am at the bottom of a hill or the top of a precipice.  I really don't know.   The long and short of it is that there is no set way to feel or to grieve.  I feel like I will be hit by a wrecking ball (hopefully one not ridden by Miley Cyrus) at any moment.  Or I wish that I could just sleep all of this away. I dream that mum is ill...

It may come as a surprise but being depressed isn't all about feeling sad. Oftentimes I am overwhelmed with a mixture of feelings and emotions. Other times I feel nothing.  This week I want to blog about the main things I feel. Whether that be throughout a day (I seem to regularly board the emotional roller coaster) or just in general.  Yes sad and down are there but they are not the be all and end all.  Stay tuned....