My Blog Bubble

I'm running out of time.   I know that all we are guaranteed in this life, other than taxes, is death. But I am not ready for yours.   There are so many more moments I wasn't to share with you, I want to experience with you, rejoice in with you.   The sands of time slip through our hands without us noticing. Then we find ourselves grappling with the few tiniest grains that we can find. The type that would have just passed us by, like walking across a soft sandy beach with no shoes on. I find myself trying to hold on to those specks and feel their warmth.   As life ebbs out of your weakened body my heart grows ever prouder that you are my mum.   Kind and funny and loving. My mum: Christine Gelling; I love you; for always: and I thank you; forever.  

Every time that blasted phone rings or I get a message from my sister or my aunt I swallow hard, I hold my breath and then I proceed. Mum I know you are in pain and I know you want to give in to it.  I also know you have nothing to fear.  You have your faith and it will guide you into the arms of the Lord where you will be able to rest in peace. Last night I had a bath and I sobbed and sobbed.  I really don't know how to deal with this and what I am going to feel when you eventually die (I am not allowed to day pass now am I?).   I do want you to know that we are going to be fine.  We will miss you incredibly but we will stick together and laugh at your memories.  I find myself smiling as I think of the funny tales you have told and your smile and laugh. Last year when we heard about your diagnosis I can remember feeling utterly bereft.  And still I am.  However I also remember being sad that you might not see me find my happy. ...