My Blog Bubble

Every time that blasted phone rings or I get a message from my sister or my aunt I swallow hard, I hold my breath and then I proceed. Mum I know you are in pain and I know you want to give in to it.  I also know you have nothing to fear.  You have your faith and it will guide you into the arms of the Lord where you will be able to rest in peace. Last night I had a bath and I sobbed and sobbed.  I really don't know how to deal with this and what I am going to feel when you eventually die (I am not allowed to day pass now am I?).   I do want you to know that we are going to be fine.  We will miss you incredibly but we will stick together and laugh at your memories.  I find myself smiling as I think of the funny tales you have told and your smile and laugh. Last year when we heard about your diagnosis I can remember feeling utterly bereft.  And still I am.  However I also remember being sad that you might not see me find my happy. ...

There isn't much to indicate that I am approaching my late thirties at an alarming rate: well apart from my date of birth; constant tiredness and the fact that a 25 year reunion of leaving Baring Primary School looms large.  In general people have the decency to act surprised when I tell them I am soon to be 37. Most people I say, apart from my boss, who recently asked when I had turned forty and when I said I was only 36 retorted that I looked much older. Nice! Anyhow age ain't nuthin' but a number and all that. And I wouldn't say that I am yet middle aged (unless I am planning on dying before the age of 75: I know the Government would like me to and will probably have me working until then but that is by the by).... Today I did a headstand and controlled dismount; I did a handstand; and stated a could do a cartwheel (which for the record I can but didn't fancy my chances of not knocking someone over).  I didn't quite manage a shoulder mount but I did do well (...