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Today I went to church and I cried.  Alex came with me and just held me.  Everyone at church sends their love and support. I got down to see you and share some time with you. I read prayers and Readings.  And I read hymns - in fact Sarah and I sung a couple to you (with a beautiful dance from Sarah too).  I put your cross in your hand and you held on tight. I even said you should stand and join in with us and you whipped back the cover as if to stand - making me smile! I stayed for the memorial service and cried there too.  There were a couple of readings and prayers that were beautiful. Yesterday it was music - a bit of Olivia Newton John and the Messiah.  Today it was just me - but you didn't tell me to stop so that is always a bonus. Mum I don't know why you are staying but your heart is as strong as it is true and I love you.

Last night I sat and read you a bedtime story - your favourite book from your childhood: The Velveteen Rabbit. I then sat and stroked your hair and your forehead as you drifted off to sleep. It felt so right to be there, to comfort you.  We didn't really speak but just being there gave me a peace. Yes you are back at the hospice, but you are in the best place, where they can take care of you. Today I have spent hours here, perched on the windowsill (obviously not a tiny one) as you dozed.  We spoke about the family and religion and your friends came and went.  Terry and Winnie came to visit and the nursing staff greeted you like an old friend. I love you Mum and I will be here as often as I can.  It isnt about the memories now, it is about the connection, the comfort; for both of us.