My Blog Bubble

Take things day by day they say. Sometimes that can be a struggle. Taking things hour by hour also seems too difficult. I try to deal with things as they come along and so today I thought I'd blog about my first thought when I wake: Always: is it a weekend (no work, time with family and friends)?  If not then I know I need to battle with myself to get out of bed.  I know everyone hates getting up. For me it isn't so much that I hate it it's more that I just cannot seem to do it as I know what lies ahead: another day.  If I get up I have to accept the fact I need to shower and get dressed, get Eliza up and dressed, drop her off and go to work, all before I can come home again to my place of "safety". The task of what I am going to wear overwhelms me sometimes and I cannot get out of bed without having a clear plan of action. If a chosen garment isn't clean then my plan crumbles and so do I. Silly isn't it?  How can something so small affect...

Love doesn't end in a firework. There are no flares to light the way to the next chapter of your life. Love fizzles out. Like a bottle of champagne sitting in a fridge without a spoon. It just loses its bubbles until one day it is flat. Sometimes something shifts. One person changes. One person gives up.  The fights culminate. Sometimes it is a whisper. A Subtle change. Whatever it is the end is signalled. Does it really come as a shock. Is it inevitable. Are you the first, or the last, to see it coming? Where do those emotions go?  What happens to all that love?  That friendship?  Why doesn't it bend like normal friendships? Why does it splinter into a million painful pieces? Oftentimes it can be put down to others. Their opinions. Their interference. Their reliance. Sometimes it is the influence of outside forces. Sometimes it is just time, circumstance, situational.  What are we?

Dear Alcohol You make me in to a fun, somewhat loud, drunk.  I love to dance and joke and chat.  I then fall asleep especially with the addition thereafter of fresh air. Why is it you cannot do the same for everybody?  Why does the same drug have different effects on people?  I know it's about emotional responses and biological make up, physiological, psychology and various other ologies as well.  However this letter is to you. Why turn somebody I love in to a mean hearted, foul tongued, obnoxious, selfish, argumentative, opinionated, miserable bully?  Why?  It is breaking my heart.   They say that "what is on the drunk man's lips is in the sober man's heart" (in vino veritas) and if that is so I am in trouble.  So many unkind words and statements.  They are making me numb.  Please don't turn them to hate. Sticks and stones may break my bones but names stay forever with me. I ask you, alcohol, stop stealing...

An odd title I know but when I did a thesaurus check on the antonym of pleasure I got pain... Maybe the Pain of Guilt is a better title. Whichever you choose today is about that! I think part of why I am where I am is an overwhelming feeling of guilt. And guilt is a funny thing. Something you cannot shake. Something you just cannot let go of however hard you try. I know I need to forgive myself but I just cannot.  There isn't much I feel guilty about to be honest. I try to live my life without regrets. So yes I feel bad that I didn't get to see my grandmother before she died (frustratingly I was going to see her on the Saturday but she decided to pop her clogs before the weekend).  Yes I feel bad for not seeing my family and friends as much but they all (should) know that I love them and keep them in my thoughts. I feel bad that my house isn't spic and span and I am not a stay at home mum but Eliza is a fantastic child and I live to ensure she is happy.  ...

I have often read that animals help people with medical conditions by reducing stress levels.  One of those conditions is mental health. There are many articles out there that have medical backing showing that having a pet can help with depression.  I never really thought about it before but most of the people I know that do suffer with this illness do also have pets. My life isn't complete without a dog, my own little fur baby, oh go on I admit it I am a dog person (not a surprise for those that know me).  I never understand people that don't like dogs or are irrationally scared of them.  I don't understand how people cannot open their heart to a pooch.  I definitely don't understand animal abuse. Hate breeds hate. Dogs aren't bad they just need the right owners. For me they always worm their way in to my heart and I love them even more for that.   Maybe it is for selfish reasons that I need a dog in my life, the unconditional love, the fact that...

It's important to remember that it is ok to be happy too. If small minded people think that seeing you smile means that you are fixed then that is up to them.  That is their mistake. Not yours.  Just like it is ok to smile at a funeral, or laugh at a wake, at fond memories you share of the deceased. It is ok to enjoy yourself when suffering with depression.  No you are not fixed. You are just able to see a glimpse of the light at the end of the tunnel.  Depression isn't a constant down mood or need to cry. It is a shroud you carry, heavy over your body, each and everyday.  So smile, laugh, if you want to.  It is going to be ok some day.