Mum's Got Cancer: Part Six

Every time that blasted phone rings or I get a message from my sister or my aunt I swallow hard, I hold my breath and then I proceed.

Mum I know you are in pain and I know you want to give in to it. I also know you have nothing to fear. You have your faith and it will guide you into the arms of the Lord where you will be able to rest in peace.

Last night I had a bath and I sobbed and sobbed. I really don't know how to deal with this and what I am going to feel when you eventually die (I am not allowed to day pass now am I?).

I do want you to know that we are going to be fine. We will miss you incredibly but we will stick together and laugh at your memories. I find myself smiling as I think of the funny tales you have told and your smile and laugh.

Last year when we heard about your diagnosis I can remember feeling utterly bereft. And still I am. However I also remember being sad that you might not see me find my happy. I want you to know that I have. Eliza is my life and I now have Alex to enjoy her with. I have finally found the one that I can talk long in to the night with about all manner of subjects, that I can argue with, that bosses me as much as I boss him, that makes me laugh, holds me tight, makes me smile: the one that gets me. I took my time and a winding route but I am there.

Thank you for waiting for me to be able to show you.

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Mum's Got Cancer; Part Thirteen

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