Mum's Got Cancer; Part Thirteen

It seems amazing to me that I am writing another post.

As I rounded the corner at the hospice this morning, walking towards the bay you are in, I held my breath. I was greeted by smiles and there you were.

More amazingly I said hello and you spoke back! Mum you are incredible, amazing, an inspiration.

Lying there listening, with Alex and I, to some Graham Kendrick. We have moved you to your own room to give you some peace and the freedom to leave us when it feels right for you.

In the meantime I am in awe, as a Biologist, that you are still here. All of the staff are amazed and all we are pleased able to offer you respite. You aren't in pain, at least we don't think so, and we know you can hear us.

I think you are just catching up on all the sleep you have missed over the years. All of those early mornings; all of those sleepless nights due to your "hot legs".

We thought we would lose you to the MS but we were wrong. As you were not defined by Multiple Sclerosis neither are you defined by this. You are not your cancer. You are kind and loving and funny and strong, independent and loyal.

I love you

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Mum's Got Cancer; Part Four

Can we ask just one thing of you:- Please stop asking me how Mum is. I know you mean well and you honestly do care; you want to know that she is ok: but we can't tell you that. In fact we are tired of having to repeat ourselves and remind ourselves that Mum isn't going to get better. That this is it. That we can't help her but can on;y make her comfortable. Maybe ask how I am, or if there is anything you can do, or just give us a hug. Maybe just squeeze our shoulder and don't say anyhting. If we want to talk, I promise, we will. Sometimes, like my Blog, it is cathartic. Other times it hurts in a way I cannot explain. The best thing to do is send a message, a text, an email, and if/when we feel like it we will respond. Forgive us if we see you are calling and cannot take your call. It is tiring, emotionally, to drag our way through a conversation we do not want to have. We know you care and we don't want to appear rude but...

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I am no longer based "in town" and I never thought I'd miss it. Yet every Wednesday when I am London bound I find myself looking forward to what I will be greeted by. It's not the hustle and bustle - the fast moving commuters and slow shuffling tourists. It's not the shops and bargains abound. It's the buildings, the Underground, the knowing smile you may get from a fellow passenger, or the sarcastic comment of a Tube driver. I love London and its diversity. I love that you can walk just a short distance and be greeted by a whole new world. I love that you can randomly bump into an old friend you haven't seen for years. Making our big world smaller every day. I love St Paul's how proud it stands in the heart of the City. The fact it has survived wars and still attracts throngs of people to it everyday. I love the pomp and circumstance of the City and its Idiosyncrasies. I love that the museums are free and that you can meander around beautifu...

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Eight

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