Skip to main content

100 Sad Days: Day 30; When Life Takes Over

Some things just take over. There I was feeling like life was on the up and that maybe I was on the right side of my dark journey. Walking towards the brighter side of life.

Then kaboom. The words "no you won't be returning to work you won't be leaving the hospital" hit me full on in the face.

That phrase made the whole awful situation more real. I visit A&E on occasion (riding breaks and poling dislocations) but never have I had to stay. Even after Eliza I managed less than ten hours in hospital. I couldn't believe this was happening. 

I felt scared and bereft, alone, sad.  I felt like I was being punished. And then I saw the consultant.  Told off for not going in sooner he told me that by ignoring the pain it was highly likely he would have been resuscitating me if I had left it any longer.  Wow. I realised then that I was in trouble and that a high pain threshold is not always a good thing.

Anyhow I had the surgery that night. I had my Toast of Champions in the early hours. Followed by breakfast and homeward bound.

Now I just have to remember how to take things easy with a three year old. Oh and to keep taking the tablets. 

Happy birthday me.


Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Thirteen

It seems amazing to me that I am writing another post.   As I rounded the corner at the hospice this morning, walking towards the bay you are in, I held my breath.  I was greeted by smiles and there you were. More amazingly I said hello and you spoke back!  Mum you are incredible, amazing, an inspiration. Lying there listening, with Alex and I, to some Graham Kendrick.  We have moved you to your own room to give you some peace and the freedom to leave us when it feels right for you. In the meantime I am in awe, as a Biologist, that you are still here.  All of the staff are amazed and all we are pleased able to offer you respite.  You aren't in pain, at least we don't think so, and we know you can hear us. I think you are just catching up on all the sleep you have missed over the years.  All of those early mornings; all of those sleepless nights due to your "hot legs". We thought we would lose you to the MS but we were wrong. ...

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Four

Can we ask just one thing of you:- Please stop asking me how Mum is.  I know you mean well and you honestly do care; you want to know that she is ok: but we can't tell you that. In fact we are tired of having to repeat ourselves and remind ourselves that Mum isn't going to get better.  That this is it.  That we can't help her but can on;y make her comfortable. Maybe ask how I am, or if there is anything you can do, or just give us a hug.  Maybe just squeeze our shoulder and don't say anyhting.  If we want to talk, I promise, we will.  Sometimes, like my Blog, it is cathartic.  Other times it hurts in a way I cannot explain. The best thing to do is send a message, a text, an email, and if/when we feel like it we will respond.  Forgive us if we see you are calling and cannot take your call.  It is tiring, emotionally, to drag our way through a conversation we do not want to have. We know you care and we don't want to appear rude but...

LuluSLR: Mum's Got Cancer; Part One

I originally published this post on 13 December 2016, a year before my son was born, and four years ago today.  I thought, with the anniversary of Mum's death on the horizon, and with losing two friends to this disease in recent times I would re-publish these posts (minus the fundraising bits for Pancreatic Cancer). I thought long and hard about writing something knowing Mum doesn't like to talk about these things.  However I think that everyone now knows and, being selfish: for me this is cathartic. Much like my #100SadDays blog I don't want this to be all doom and gloom.  I want to talk about how it has made me feel and how it has affected everyone; including my beautiful mum. I have written about #cancer before; it isn't a new subject for me.  I have spoken freely about how I feel about it and how it has affected both me, my family and my friends. I have said that it doesn't "touch" people as so often is coined: it rapes and kills and blights...