100 Sad Days; Day 32: Choose Me, Choose Us...

I am not asking you to do anything

I am not nagging all the time

I am just sitting writing poetry

Looking for words that rhyme

I want you to understand me

I need to feel your love around

I need you to know we are both lost

And that we both can be found

All I am doing is whispering quietly

Hoping that you will hear

That you will finally understand

That there is nothing left to fear

You lock yourself away completely

You have another drink

You tie yourself up in knots

And all you do is think and think

You do not listen when I speak

At least you do not hear

You are running away internally

And making our future unclear.

Please stop overthinking

Worrying what you may lose

Look at what you have, be brave;

And us, I ask, please choose

Comments

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Four

Can we ask just one thing of you:- Please stop asking me how Mum is. I know you mean well and you honestly do care; you want to know that she is ok: but we can't tell you that. In fact we are tired of having to repeat ourselves and remind ourselves that Mum isn't going to get better. That this is it. That we can't help her but can on;y make her comfortable. Maybe ask how I am, or if there is anything you can do, or just give us a hug. Maybe just squeeze our shoulder and don't say anyhting. If we want to talk, I promise, we will. Sometimes, like my Blog, it is cathartic. Other times it hurts in a way I cannot explain. The best thing to do is send a message, a text, an email, and if/when we feel like it we will respond. Forgive us if we see you are calling and cannot take your call. It is tiring, emotionally, to drag our way through a conversation we do not want to have. We know you care and we don't want to appear rude but...

100 Sad Days: Day 17; Uncomfortably Numb

I think one of the scariest feelings that I get with my depression is that of nothingness. Not in a nice yoga-like-meditation way but in a vast emptiness type of a way. It is an all consuming numbness. You just do not care about anything. Not what you say to me or think of me. I am full to brimming with nothing. The darkness comes from this, the lethargy, the apathy. Nothing matters. I think this is where the suicidal tendencies creep in. I don't care what happens next. What would happen if I drove into that tree? Or if I took a cocktail of tablets? I have never seen any such thing through as I have Eliza and she deserves more from me. She is the only thing that makes me feel something and can drag me from my black hole. And for that I will be eternally grateful. The numbness scares me most of all......

100 Sad Days; Day 43: You are Not Alone

This too is a previously unpublished post: Do you know that when they question you about physical violence from a partner (domestic abuse) they ask one question that surprised me: Does the person show violence towards your pets? That really got me thinking about what someone thinks of you if they are happy to abuse you. Abuse takes many forms, it can be physical (obvious signs like bruises or hidden bruises), it can be mental (constant threats, put downs, arguments). In fact there are so many forms it is hard to work out when you are in an abusive relationship. Everyone argues and has heated debates. Not everyone lives with someone that makes them feel like they have nowhere to go or that they deserve what is thrust upon them. Oftentimes the person being abused doesn't even realise. It is a long process and you believe that what you have is love. You believe you can fix them. You can heal whatever broke them just by loving them. Chances are ...

My Blog Bubble

Search This Blog