Skip to main content

100 Sad Days: Day 21; How to be a Friend

When I first started my blog my friend Erica asked me to include an "episode" on what friends can do. Where to begin?!

Have patience. Be there for the long run and don't give up on us. People all too often bemoan that you have become too difficult to get out of the house or never return texts or calls. What they fail to realise is that you simply can't. You don't know where to begin. It doesn't mean you are not thinking of them you are just in a world of black. 

It's great to know people care so send a text (not expecting a response) or an email, a card, a postcard. Maybe just drop round for a cuppa. 

Take us as we are. The house may be a mess and we may not have showered for a few days. We may be wearing joggers and a hoodie, our pjs, a onesie. Please don't judge - we opened the door. Which is like opening our heart. 

Give us a hug. Pure and simple. 

I love fresh flowers. Often people with depression have eating issues but you can't go wrong with flowers - unless they are lillies and your friend hashayfever! 

Bring sweets or baked goodies. This goes against my previous point but would work for me as I am an eater when I am depressed!  Oh and milk (for the cuppa)...

Bring a smile. 

Sit and watch tv with us in silence. 

Maybe you could offer to look after the kids for an hour (so we could bath or just do something!).

Or maybe offer some help with a task. Make a list: we love a list (another blog topic I fear) of what we need to do.

Don't be afraid to laugh and joke. 

Don't run if we cry. Just pass us a tissue!

If we don't want to talk then maybe we have had enough of the topic (it is forever going around our head anyway). Don't probe. We will chat in time. And when we do don't try to fix us.

Maybe drag us out for a coffee to clear our head and face the world.

Whatever you do please realise that it is appreciated beyond words and will help us on the road to our recovery. 

Thank you for being my friend and thank you for looking out for those that you care for. 



Comments

  1. A very thoughtful article Lulu. I really enjoyed reading it & agree with so much of what you have said

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Thanks for commenting

Popular posts from this blog

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Four

Can we ask just one thing of you:- Please stop asking me how Mum is.  I know you mean well and you honestly do care; you want to know that she is ok: but we can't tell you that. In fact we are tired of having to repeat ourselves and remind ourselves that Mum isn't going to get better.  That this is it.  That we can't help her but can on;y make her comfortable. Maybe ask how I am, or if there is anything you can do, or just give us a hug.  Maybe just squeeze our shoulder and don't say anyhting.  If we want to talk, I promise, we will.  Sometimes, like my Blog, it is cathartic.  Other times it hurts in a way I cannot explain. The best thing to do is send a message, a text, an email, and if/when we feel like it we will respond.  Forgive us if we see you are calling and cannot take your call.  It is tiring, emotionally, to drag our way through a conversation we do not want to have. We know you care and we don't want to appear rude but...

London Calling

I am no longer based "in town" and I never thought I'd miss it. Yet every Wednesday when I am London bound I find myself looking forward to what I will be greeted by. It's not the hustle and bustle - the fast moving commuters and slow shuffling tourists. It's not the shops and bargains abound. It's the buildings, the Underground, the knowing smile you may get from a fellow passenger, or the sarcastic comment of a Tube driver. I love London and its diversity. I love that you can walk just a short distance and be greeted by a whole new world. I love that you can randomly bump into an old friend you haven't seen for years. Making our big world smaller every day. I love St Paul's how proud it stands in the heart of the City. The fact it has survived wars and still attracts throngs of people to it everyday. I love the pomp and circumstance of the City and its Idiosyncrasies. I love that the museums are free and that you can meander around beautifu...

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Eight

We have always been open and talked about death and funerals.   I think one of the first things we spoke about after your diagnosis was about your funeral and the scattering of your ashes.   Some people think it's macabre but I do it to prepare myself. The more I do now the less I HAVE to do later.   We know your wishes and we have the addresses. I have your scatter tube and soon your order of service.   I know what I will read and that Rachel won't be able to. But I don't want them; I want you. The promise of you, not forever, just for longer.   Don't go yet Mum, please, stay a while x