100 Sad Days: Day 9; Lethargy and Procrastination

My get and go has got up and gone

I am blighted by lethargy and procrastination. I have no energy to do anything. Without realising I put things off and off and off and off.

I seem to have a "later" or "tomorrow" mantra in my head. My head that is so full of stuff and nonsense and nothingness it now hurts every single day.

Some people will say I am just lazy. Or that everyone feels the same way. And yes they do, at times, I feel like this most days.

Simple tasks seem insurmountable.

Today is one of those days and I am feeling the world pile up around me. I don't want to get up. I don't want to go to work. I want to go back in to a world where all I have to worry about is make believe.

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100 Sad Days: Day 29 La La La

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I Hate Smoking

Let's be honest: it's a mug's game. My main memories of my Granny are of her with a cigarette in hand, of being sent to the "cabin" to buy her mentholated Dunhill. Add to that the memory of my time with my Dad shared always with a cigarette - one after the other. Of the chorus of coughing in the mornings and of now watching him struggle, with COPD, knowing this is a terminal illness that was brought upon himself. Supposedly my Grandma died of old age (but i reckon it was the cancer that got her first) and despite my Dad giving up smoking over eight years ago the years of damage have taken their toll. I chose a path away from cigarettes and I don't mind telling people how stupid I think they are for smoking - friends, family, strangers. We are all touched by cancer at some point and I recently got the all clear after twelve long years of close attention. I am thankful that it was caught before I needed anything other than day treatment and b...

100 Sad Days; Day 39: Reach Out and Touch Somebody's Hand...

One of the things about depression is the fact that it doesn't matter how bad you are if you know someone is suffering you reach out to them. You don't want then to feel as bad as you so you want them to feel better. You want them to know they are not alone and that you care. I do it all the time and I have realised, since writing this, that many others do the same. It is like a radar. We reach out to help those that are afraid to ask for help themselves. Those we can see are suffering. And like moths to a flickering light we are pulled to those that need us those that have shown bravery and stood up. We draw solace from the fact we are not alone. Strength from being a crook for someone to lean on. Understanding from being someone else's shoulder to cry on, their ear to speak to. Sometimes we say nothing and other times we are the voice of reason. We may not be able to fix ourselves but strive to fix those that bleed, like us, whenever we can. T...

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