100 Sad Days: Day 46; cards and apologies

I started writing this in July of last year and then found other things to write about. I kept on meaning to return to this post but just didn't. Today I began the task of decluttering and in so doing I found a pile of cards.

Christmas cards and thank you cards. I thought I had got it together last year. I got thank you cards ready from Eliza (for birthday presents) and Christmas cards printed too. Now in Aigust I find them hidden away in a plastic bag unsent.

As well as feeling ashamed and embarrassed for not getting them sent I am scared that I am not in control as much as I like to think I am.

So this is where the post had meant to start:

An odd title for a post you may think but I couldn't decide on something witty or fitting.

This post is my first apology.

An apology to my family and friends. I have always been organised and prided myself on making sure I had cards and presents ready for all occasions. Often I would send them late but send them I would. I love to send cards as I know how lovely it feels to receive them.

However over the past year it has all gone wrong...

I guess I had planned to tell you all a little more but the unravelling continues.

Comments

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Four

Can we ask just one thing of you:- Please stop asking me how Mum is. I know you mean well and you honestly do care; you want to know that she is ok: but we can't tell you that. In fact we are tired of having to repeat ourselves and remind ourselves that Mum isn't going to get better. That this is it. That we can't help her but can on;y make her comfortable. Maybe ask how I am, or if there is anything you can do, or just give us a hug. Maybe just squeeze our shoulder and don't say anyhting. If we want to talk, I promise, we will. Sometimes, like my Blog, it is cathartic. Other times it hurts in a way I cannot explain. The best thing to do is send a message, a text, an email, and if/when we feel like it we will respond. Forgive us if we see you are calling and cannot take your call. It is tiring, emotionally, to drag our way through a conversation we do not want to have. We know you care and we don't want to appear rude but...

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Thirteen

It seems amazing to me that I am writing another post. As I rounded the corner at the hospice this morning, walking towards the bay you are in, I held my breath. I was greeted by smiles and there you were. More amazingly I said hello and you spoke back! Mum you are incredible, amazing, an inspiration. Lying there listening, with Alex and I, to some Graham Kendrick. We have moved you to your own room to give you some peace and the freedom to leave us when it feels right for you. In the meantime I am in awe, as a Biologist, that you are still here. All of the staff are amazed and all we are pleased able to offer you respite. You aren't in pain, at least we don't think so, and we know you can hear us. I think you are just catching up on all the sleep you have missed over the years. All of those early mornings; all of those sleepless nights due to your "hot legs". We thought we would lose you to the MS but we were wrong. ...

100 Sad Days; Day 34: Say it Like you Mean it

Elton John was wrong. Sorry is not the hardest word. In fact it is all to easily said and not meant. For years I thought that flowers were a sad excuse for a sorry. Now I realise that what is worse is the empty shell of a sorry. The echo of an unmeant apology received in hope but ushered in haste. I cannot count the times I have heard the word. From a forced apology "say you are sorry" to one that is said unkept. We all say sorry. We bump in to someone and manners tell us to apologise. We drop something and we apologise. Sorry here is lighthearted but still meant. Kids fight or shout and apologise as they are taught to do. Sometimes they mean it sometimes they just say it. They are kids after all. Adults should know better. Sorry should mean just that. It isn't an excuse for bad behaviour. It isn't a "make everything better with one word". It should be said with the mouth, the heart and the mind. If you are sorry then be sor...

My Blog Bubble

Search This Blog