100 Sad Days: Day 20; Tears of a Clown

Everyone always says "but you are always the life and soul of the party. You are always smiling. You are the last person I thought that would suffer from depression".

I have spoken about it before: it's all about masks and putting on a face. No, that's not true, it isn't all about that. I am naturally a happy-go-lucky person. Just sometimes I am not and I used to feel the need to hide it behind larger laughs and smiles.

Today I am looking at Comedians and why so many suffer with depression. This isn't in light of the recent sad news about Robin Williams as this blog had already been written. However I feel a need to mention him too.

When we think of comedians and depression we think Jack Dee. His act was born out of a lack of success and he went on the stage once miserable and it took off from there. However he (as far as I know) doesn't suffer with this disease.

I think the route of the problem lies in the mass highs. And from a great height there is always a great low. Keeping up appearances can be tiring for anyone especially those in the "funny" spotlight. I Googled comedians (and comedic actors/writers) with depression and the list is astounding:-

Caroline Aherne, Woody Allen, Drew Barrymore, Jim Carey, Ellen DeGeneres, Stephen Fry, Tony Hancock, Frankie Howerd, Hugh Laurie, Spike Milligan, Dudley Moore, Bill Oddie, Jimmy Perry, Peter Sellers, Catherine Tate, David Walliams, Ruby Wax, Kenneth Williams, Owen Wilson.

Not all admit to depression but some have commented on the hardship of being a top comedian. These include; Peter Cook, Miranda Hart, Groucho Marx, Eric Morecambe.

Sadly some of our best comics couldn't see a way out and committed suicide (albeit in the recent case this is still just allegedly). It seems creative and highly renowned scientific types are at risk too:-

Ray Charles; Darwin, Eminem, Gaugin, Hemingway, Keats, Matisse, Mozart, Newton, Rockefeller, Tolstoy, Twain, Van Gogh, Oscar Wilde, Virginia Woolf...

Unsurprisingly those in the spotlight have struggled too:-

Winston Churchill, Courtney Cox, Jonny Depp, Kirsten Dunst, Harrison Ford, Hepburn, Beyoncé, JK Rowling.

The lists go on and on. This isn't something you are alone in despite the fact that the disease makes you believe you are. I am not promising there is a quick way out, but seek help and you can start to see the dim far off light at the end of a long dark tunnel. Trust me.

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Four

Can we ask just one thing of you:- Please stop asking me how Mum is. I know you mean well and you honestly do care; you want to know that she is ok: but we can't tell you that. In fact we are tired of having to repeat ourselves and remind ourselves that Mum isn't going to get better. That this is it. That we can't help her but can on;y make her comfortable. Maybe ask how I am, or if there is anything you can do, or just give us a hug. Maybe just squeeze our shoulder and don't say anyhting. If we want to talk, I promise, we will. Sometimes, like my Blog, it is cathartic. Other times it hurts in a way I cannot explain. The best thing to do is send a message, a text, an email, and if/when we feel like it we will respond. Forgive us if we see you are calling and cannot take your call. It is tiring, emotionally, to drag our way through a conversation we do not want to have. We know you care and we don't want to appear rude but...

London Calling

I am no longer based "in town" and I never thought I'd miss it. Yet every Wednesday when I am London bound I find myself looking forward to what I will be greeted by. It's not the hustle and bustle - the fast moving commuters and slow shuffling tourists. It's not the shops and bargains abound. It's the buildings, the Underground, the knowing smile you may get from a fellow passenger, or the sarcastic comment of a Tube driver. I love London and its diversity. I love that you can walk just a short distance and be greeted by a whole new world. I love that you can randomly bump into an old friend you haven't seen for years. Making our big world smaller every day. I love St Paul's how proud it stands in the heart of the City. The fact it has survived wars and still attracts throngs of people to it everyday. I love the pomp and circumstance of the City and its Idiosyncrasies. I love that the museums are free and that you can meander around beautifu...

Mum's Got Cancer; Part Eight

We have always been open and talked about death and funerals. I think one of the first things we spoke about after your diagnosis was about your funeral and the scattering of your ashes. Some people think it's macabre but I do it to prepare myself. The more I do now the less I HAVE to do later. We know your wishes and we have the addresses. I have your scatter tube and soon your order of service. I know what I will read and that Rachel won't be able to. But I don't want them; I want you. The promise of you, not forever, just for longer. Don't go yet Mum, please, stay a while x

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