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100 Sad Days: Day 25; it's all about me!

I am not one that goes in for self help.  Lets be honest I don't really go in for any kind of help.  Reaching out to my doctor last Christmas was a massive step for me.  I have always thought I can do anything on my own and do not need other people's help.  I now know this is not the case and that I shouldn't be embarrassed to ask.

Anyhow I have taken to reading about depression, both online and books.  In fact I recently bought a book for me (Ruby Wax) and one for Chris (Living with the Black Dog) as I felt it was time to start to understand this illness a little more.  However I don't seem to get a chance to read it as there is always something going on.  In fact I rarely read books anymore and that used to be something I loved.  The escapism.  

It then got me thinking about other things that I have let slip or in fact let go of completely.  Things that used to keep me grounded, happy, normal.

I stopped horse riding when I was pregnant.  Since having Eliza I don't read.  At some point I stopped my poetry and photography.  And then I seemed to give up music too.  The only hobby I still have is pole and that's due to the friendship that it brings with it.

Anyhow I realised how I have lost things that make me me.  So I decided to take a week off and be me. Today I went riding and felt the love of this sport return instantaneously.  I am hurting already but it was worth it.  I must start back.

I came home and had a bath.  I was overwhelmed by the silence.  There is never quiet in my house.  Well maybe at night when I am sleeping but I am not conscious enough to enjoy it.  I actually relaxed in the bath and was able to wash my hair without interruption!  Who knew what a treat that could be!

I mooches around the market on my own, grabbed a coffee, all without time limits and other constraints.  Who knows I may even open that book later.....

Take away the stress and bring back some of the old me.  Even if only temporarily.  In contrast to yesterday; today has been a good day.
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