I am not one that goes in for self help. Lets be honest I don't really go in for any kind of help. Reaching out to my doctor last Christmas was a massive step for me. I have always thought I can do anything on my own and do not need other people's help. I now know this is not the case and that I shouldn't be embarrassed to ask.
Anyhow I have taken to reading about depression, both online and books. In fact I recently bought a book for me (Ruby Wax) and one for Chris (Living with the Black Dog) as I felt it was time to start to understand this illness a little more. However I don't seem to get a chance to read it as there is always something going on. In fact I rarely read books anymore and that used to be something I loved. The escapism.
It then got me thinking about other things that I have let slip or in fact let go of completely. Things that used to keep me grounded, happy, normal.
I stopped horse riding when I was pregnant. Since having Eliza I don't read. At some point I stopped my poetry and photography. And then I seemed to give up music too. The only hobby I still have is pole and that's due to the friendship that it brings with it.
Anyhow I realised how I have lost things that make me me. So I decided to take a week off and be me. Today I went riding and felt the love of this sport return instantaneously. I am hurting already but it was worth it. I must start back.
I came home and had a bath. I was overwhelmed by the silence. There is never quiet in my house. Well maybe at night when I am sleeping but I am not conscious enough to enjoy it. I actually relaxed in the bath and was able to wash my hair without interruption! Who knew what a treat that could be!
I mooches around the market on my own, grabbed a coffee, all without time limits and other constraints. Who knows I may even open that book later.....
Take away the stress and bring back some of the old me. Even if only temporarily. In contrast to yesterday; today has been a good day.
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